Let's talk make-up.....

Browsing my way round Boots the Chemist the other day, as one does, clutching a No7 voucher in my sweaty little palms I came upon a rather attractive electric blue liquid eyeliner, which I thought I must have, afterwards reaching the till with my purchase, a rather enthusiastic assistant reminded me that it was a "buy 1, get one half price" day and proceeded to convince me of the wonders of No.7 Stay Perfect mascara. She proudly told me that her friend had worn it all day AND all night and it was still there the following day, just like it'd been freshly applied, I marvelled aghast. At a hefty 12.95 it's not cheap though, but I'm easy to bribe with special offers so I relented. With the eyeliner and mascara it all came to £13 anyway. I came away unsure as to whether or not I'd been done like a kipper, but the two would normally have come to around £20 anyway so I had saved some money.....even if I didn't really need the mascara.

The No.7 Stay Perfect Long-lasting volume mascara claims to be waterproof, smudgeproof, flakeproof, sweatproof, humidityproof and tearproof, which for me isn't too bad considering I've been cursed with wussy eyes that water at the slightest breeze, squint at a 40 watt bulb and pretty much water up whenever there is the slightest evidence of grass pollen, tree pollen or a quick blast from the back of some car's exhaust pipe, which has me welling up from one eye like an upset circus freak. Remarkably, my one two coloured left eye reacts while the other right eye just sits there looking relatively unaffected. I've been known to turn up at events looking like a Clockwork Orange tribute act simply because there was a powerful gust of wind that day.

So, yes, a mascara that promises to do all this is welcome. And it DOES stay on all night and the rest of the following day, which is great, although it really isn't a good idea to leave your mascara on for that long. And the one thing they don't tell you is that this wonderful mascara is also remove proof too. Apparently it comes off with warm water...really? Er not for me it doesn't and it doesn't come off easily with baby oil either, which for me is the ultimate waterproof mascara remover for me. I've actually been able to painlessly peel off an entire mascarad eyelash from my lid - not good. However, it must be said that when Boots say you can wear it all day and night, I assume that what they mean is you can wear it all day and all evening without having to reapply it, which is good.

The lesson here then ladies, or gentleman for that matter, is don't sleep in industrial strength mascara unless you want to lose your eyelashes. It isn't as awful as I'm making out, no, really. I do still have a full set on each eye, but I will be removing it in future a lot sooner. For those of you who tend to fall asleep in a drunken stupor complete with eye makeup then the No 7 Stay Perfect mascara is for you.

Aristole once said that beauty depends on size as well as symmetry, and there's no symmetry in missing stubbly eyelashes or one makeupless eye. One must choose the lesser of two evils. Yes, beauty really can be this complicated.

Au revoir for now ladies and gentlemen.