My funny, quirky little ways....

These lovely quirks of mine....

I've always been a slave to my senses - smells, sounds and how things feel. Looking is all very well, but I'm looking for that extra hit, that certain extra something that tells me it's perfect, that it's as it should be for my desires.


Shoes - I was never really a shoe person, it was always boots and bags for me. But whether I was considering buying shoes or boots, there was one thing that was important. The sound of the click of heel against the pavement. The better the click the more chance I'd buy, less click, no purchase. Sometimes this would be difficult if I was trying them on inside the shop where there was only carpet. However you could usually tell by the sole and the heel tip whether they'd have the necessary click on the street. It was the same with boots.

Of course it couldn't be too loud, or the joy would be lost, just a discreet, rhythmic click.

Books/Magazines - I'm a readaholic, a bibliophile, but where most people prefer secondhand books, I prefer my books brand new, they must not have been touched by any other person, the paper must make a splitting sound as 2 pages are parted for the first time. The same goes for magazines, the magazine must be from the middle or back of the pile, the paper must be untarnished and untouched, and come with the smell of print that's almost overwhelming.

                                                                   

Clothes - most clothes I buy must come with a slight texture, or at least have some part of it that can catch on loose hard skin on my fingers or thumbs (yeah, this one's weird). It comforts me and helps me to feel less anxious. I cannot bear anything that comes with a shiny or reflective surface.

 

Chocolate - an addiction, the smell, the texture, the taste. It has to melt in my mouth slowly until it completely overwhelms my tongue, my taste buds. Somehow, I don't think I'm alone in this little obsession.

And that is the tale of some of my quirky habits, my little idiosyncrasies, my foibles....

What, pray tell are yours?

Stop all the clocks..

Time

"Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted."   

John Lennon

Time's a funny old thing isn't it?

Or perhaps you don’t agree. You may see it as a straightforward thing, the hands on the clock go round and round as they should, and the day ends and begins as it should. You may find it no more fascinating than the pavements outside or the walls in your living room.

Personally, I find time quite fascinating. What I find most interesting is how little there is, yet how long each day can seem, depending on where you are and what you’re doing. Time can go slowly, or it can go by too fast.

After the technological innovations of the 19^th century, men of science predicted the day when we’d have too much time on our hands, when technology would take over and we’d all be rewarded with increased leisure time to do as we pleased.

"Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change."

Thomas Hardy 

Time's a funny thing

But today the busier we are the more important we seem to those around us. We must look like we’re busy, even when we’re not, technology can’t break the habit of a lifetime, it can only help us make the day even fuller. A busy schedule and the more in demand we are, and everyone is envious of our lack of time to stop and talk – but is it real?

When you’re not working you’re checking your phone, you’re answering the phone, and you’re worried because nobody’s been in contact with you on your phone. You feel like you're working even on your days off.

What’s even more fascinating is that even animals have their own way of keeping time, different, but they understand timekeeping,  they know when they need to do things and by what time, they have their very own built in stopwatch.

Nature's time keepers

"I must govern the clock, not be governed by it." 

Who's in charge - you or the clock?

Golda Meir

 We have our own special powers when it comes to time, it can go quickly, or it can go painfully slow. It’s up to us how quick or how slow we want time to go. We can make it go slowly when we’re bored or far too quick when we’re not occupied in something that captures our imagination.

We can make time stop with grief, bereavement and shock, and berate the world for its continued spin. For when WE can stop time, why is it the rest of the world can’t, after all, is your grief not important enough for it too to stop, on your behalf?

"Time moves in one direction, memory in another." 

William Gibson

Time can be the same for everyone in a room, but slower and faster for each individual, you can wish time away, or you can beg it to slow down. The only thing about time is that it never stops, and it’ll carry on long after we’ve turned to dust. 

"Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind." 

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Time is a funny thing, you think you’re in control of it, but really, you’re not in control of anything at all. 

Patience is the art of concealing your impatience…

When it goes quiet you consult the blogs, the experts, the advice and guidance that will tell you exactly what attitude you should adopt when there’s a fallow period. Take stock, market, market, market, take a break and relax. But for me, that’s almost impossible, there are bills to pay and you know your overdraft is over the overdraft and you’re on the brink of tearing your hair out – who said anything about staying calm?

Stay calm?!

I’m not a calm and relaxed person by nature, in fact I’m not particularly patient either, I’m quite the opposite. I’m sitting here either blogging, networking or on the brink of ripping my fingernails out because I want something to happen, now, not tomorrow, not next week. Relaxing through the quiet is not my idea of fun - it’s my idea of hell on earth.  

Promises, promises

When you start working with clients, they promise you the earth, they’ll pay regularly, they’ll give you a constant stream of work – and then it doesn't happen, because they've over stretched themselves and they just can’t get on top of things, they have a habit of micro managing everything, without knowing much about delegation, in fact the word “d-e-le-g-a-t-e” has no meaning for them. They’re exhausted, they have to hire another person in HQ, they can’t get the work to you, they can’t pay you as they promised. You offer to help out (yes, you’re doing it out of self-interest). But suddenly the dream goes ping and you’re left sitting in your pyjamas wishing you’d stayed in your nice, safe boring, job.

Recognize the feeling?

No matter how well you plan it, one week you've juggling 3 or 4 clients, and the next you’re sitting there twiddling your thumbs. Actually, no wait a minute, I’m not, I do have at least 3 permanent clients….so is the fact that I don’t have enough work that’s bothering me, or am I just bored?

Thing is, I spent years working for other people in a really stressful job, where you had to delegate, you had to know when you needed help, because there were constant deadlines, from local government, from managers, from external agencies, and you knew that if you wanted to get something done, to meet the deadline, you had to ask for help. It was key to getting the job done and staying sane.

Micro managing everything to the nth degree led to a breakdown and a long time away on sick leave. I've seen it happen often enough, managers who’d just pushed themselves too hard in an environment that was stressful enough on its own. That’s why in the end, I left because I was burnt out too. I do like to keep busy all the same, but you see people, younger than yourself, doing exactly the same thing.

There’s being busy and there’s over stretching yourself.

Work, work and then more work 

Yes I hated my job, I hated getting up every day to commute to work, I hated the office politics, the constant emailing to 300 people just to get one thing done, one decision made, one yes from one person, who probably didn't even read his emails.

But I need to be kept busy ALL day, no room for a break…I’m good at organizing my work, because I've had many years of practice. I know when a lot is too much and to slow down and when too little is just too little. I can’t teach that to someone half my age, it’s something I think that can only come with experience.

Organization skills - a rare but beautiful gift

 I realize I need to be patient, but it’s hard when I have a habit of expecting the same from others as I expect from myself. If I’m capable of managing my time, then why can’t someone else, is it really that hard, is it really too much to expect?

It’s about time management, a precious skill I’d like to pass on to all of you…

I when to college, university, studied for two degrees, held a job down and raised a child – by myself. No babysitters, only 1 or 2 friends and enough motivation and self-belief for 10 people. If I could teach you one thing, then it’s time management and how to juggle your way through at least 3 or 4 things in a day. I’m an expert. I had to be, I had a child to consider, it was either sink or swim.

And the thing is…I've got into the habit of expecting the same from everyone else.

Just try and be more organized dear...

And what I find really boring and irritating is that all that advice you get on what to do when it’s quiet is rubbish, nothing happens quickly enough, and not to my liking – I want to be paid on time, I want work when its promised. I want you to give as much as I’m willing to give.

And you know what?

We need to get a little bit more organized..

It’s simply about recognizing how much you can take on realistically, when to turn things down, and not being greedy, not turning into a megalomaniac and d-e-l-e-g-a-t-i-n-g.

Don’t give me advice….

So, this isn't a blog about all the sensible things you can do when it goes quiet, offering the same repetitive sage advice from those, calm, smug experts, experts on telling other people what to do, when they probably don’t do it themselves. This is a blog for all of you out there who've ever felt like this. For those of you out there who sit there and think “What the hell…..?”

Grandmother, eggs and multi-tasking

grandmother, eggs etc

For those of you who, like me, come from an environment where you learnt to time manage, to delegate, to organize, to multi-task and you’re faced with a generation of 20 something start-ups who couldn't organize their own lunch break. And you suddenly start to feel that perhaps you’re too old to being doing this and when they lecture you, it’s like teaching a grandmother to suck eggs, you know that if you don’t bite your tongue, you’ll be telling them how to manage their work….and you know you can’t.

For those of you have the patience, the diligence and the time management skills that just want everyone else around them to pull their damned finger out and get a grip.

This is for you..

Come on world, shape up.

 
 

 

I'm either at the top or the bottom of the world

The impact of childhood bullying on adulthood

I have always tried to be proactive about my mental and physical health and  demonstrated a certain enthusiasm for the environmental and social influences that have led me to become the person I am today. This could be misconstrued as too much navel gazing and a tendency toward the narcissistic, but I'd like to think that I simply have a lively interest in anthropology, psychology and the behaviour of human beings. Why do we do the things we do? From a writing perspective and one that enjoys reading stories about the lives of others, in the form of both fiction and non-fiction - one could suggest I'm bound to have such interests.

Tortured Souls of Midian by PavelFireman .

Bullying, mental health, and other things

I think it  makes sense that I have a particular interest in mental health however, due to the fact that I suffer with mild to moderate depression and generalized anxiety for which I have received medication and counselling in the past.

As a child I was severely bullied from the ages of 5 - 7 and from the ages of 11 - 14, leading to regular nightmares, low moods, low self-esteem and poor self body image, resulting in a half-hearted suicide attempt at the age of 14 (I never told my parents about this or anyone else for that matter). I still suffer from self esteem and body image issues, thankfully the nightmares are a thing of the past, apart from when I'm under an unusual amount of stress or sudden shock.

I have lived with these things and I have succeeded in life well enough, I'm well educated and I have a beautiful daughter and all my life I've had nothing but good physical health. There is much to be thankful for. I certainly see no reason to wallow in self-pity. But to understand is crucial if I am to come to terms with and accept past events.

Toby Pike/Tortured Souls

Link between bullying in childhood and adult behaviour

I do believe the bullying I suffered in childhood had an impact on my behaviour in adulthood and I believe there's a definite link between the problems I suffer with now, as a result of childhood bullying.

Surprisingly, there has been little in the way of research into this particular area before, however, thankfully this is now changing.

In a piece of research carried out last year (2013), research has shown that there is a definitely link between bullying in childhood and adult behaviour, for both the victim and the perpetrator, and also for those who are both bully and victim.

In the study "Adult Psychiatric Outcomes of Bullying and Being Bullied by Peers in Childhood and Adolescence" carried out in 2013, by William Copeland, Dieter Wolke, Adrian Angold and Jane Costello, definite links have been found between behaviour in adults as a result of bullying in childhood.

No one had looked at this in any depth until recently and it has revealed a higher prevalence of agoraphobia, anxiety and panic disorder in adults who've been bullied in childhood. They argued that:

"The effects of being bullied are direct, pleiotropic,* and long-lasting, with the worst effects for those who are both victims and bullies." (p. 419)

1. From Wikipedia: *Pleiotropy occurs when one gene influences multiple, seemingly unrelated phenotypic traits, an example being phenylketonuria, which is a human disease that affects multiple systems but is caused by one gene defect.

They go on to say that "....bullying is still commonly viewed as just a harmless rite of passage or an inevitable part of growing up." (p.419)

For those of us who've ever been bullied, myself included, would be inclined to disagree with that, unless of course they wanted to give the impression of having not been affected by it, and I think that bullying has an insidious impact on all of us who've ever experienced it. 

Not only that, it was also revealed in this particular study how females were at a much higher risk of "psychopathology and suicidality.." (p.420).

So emotional disorders and suicidal feelings are likely to affect a large majority of those that have been bullied in childhood, and rather disturbingly can also radically change the activity in the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis and result in an "altered cortisol response," which in time leads to depression. 

http://imgarcade.com/1/tortured-soul-art/ 

If children are also suffering other factors in their lives to do with, amongst other things - domestic violence and physical maltreatment then this "accelerated erosion," is likely to be even worse. 

We can see then that far from being harmless, bullying in childhood can have a long lasting impact on us as adults. The study only looked at those in their 20's, but all the same, it is clear evidence that rather than a simple rite of passage, bullying can follow us in the shadows long after we've joined the adult world. 

There were also other risks recognized such as poverty, physical health, relationships (and the ability to have them) as a result of bullying in childhood. 

Interestingly, bully-victims, those that were both victim and perpetrator at any time, were also more likely to be diagnosed with "a serious illness, smoke regularly, or develop a psychiatric disorder, compared to those not involved in bullying." They'd also have more chance of being poor in adulthood. 

For those of us nodding our heads sagely saying "I knew it all along," will be more than pleased with the results of this study, but more research needs to be conducted. It's also blindingly obvious that more needs to be done in schools and at home and although there are plenty of agencies with a focus on bullying and awareness raising, attention is only drawn to its insidious impact when there's been a tragedy and the media has drawn attention to it.

http://www.tolerance.org/blog/finding-place-belong 

 Sadly, it'll never be eradicated completely, it's human nature to attack those who are perceived as weaker, but if we can understand it, if we can see what the long-term impact is as well as the short-term, then perhaps we can stop it in its tracks a lot sooner. 

For those such as myself, life goes on, there was much less awareness of the impact of bullying as a child and as a result little was done about it, despite my mother's persistent visits to the school. But there's hope for the future - as long as we continue to understand it and study the long term impacts as well as the short-term ones. 

"To our knowledge, this is the first study to explore prospectively the association between peer victimization in childhood and adult psychiatry, diagnoses and suicidality." 

Let's hope it's not the last......

References & Further reading:

Copeland, W.E,  Wolke, D; Angold ,A, Costello J.E,  (2013) Adult Psychiatric Outcomes of Bullying and Being Bullied by Peers in Childhood and Adolescence   Adult Psychiatric Outcomes of Bullying and Being Bullied by Peers in Childhood and Adolescence 70(4). p.419-424

Advice and Guidance

http://www.bullying.co.uk/ 

 http://www.safenetwork.org.uk/help_and_advice/Pages/cyberbullying-support-services.aspx (for online bullying)

http://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/ 

http://www.stopbullying.gov/

http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx

A bilingual Welsh Christmas

Do you need a Welsh Copywriter?

Do you need your web pages translated for potential Welsh clients?

You could be missing out on custom from Welsh language speakers who are out there waiting to hear about YOUR products and YOUR services, who prefer communicating through the medium of Welsh.

Even if you don't speak the language yourself, just having a bilingual site shows a willingness to connect with Welsh speakers who could add so much to your business.

I can translate web pages and provide Welsh blogs on your behalf and provide you with that important connection with Welsh clients/customers who will appreciate your efforts.

My rates are reasonable and I have plenty of experience in providing web pages, sales letters and blogs, for mainly English clients, but I speak Welsh fluently and can provide a seamless service.

If you want to reach your Welsh clients/customers this Christmas, then get in touch and let's see what I can do to help.

*********************************************************************************

Ydych chi anger ysgrifennwr Copi Cymraeg?

A Ydych angen tudalennau we cyfiethu a'r gyfer cleientiaid Cymraeg?

Gallwch chi colli allan gyda siaradwyr Cymraeg sydd yn aros  i glywed am EICH cynnyrch ac EICH gwasanaethau ,achos  mae'n  well ganddynt gyfathrebu trwy gyfrwng y Gymraeg .

 Hyd yn oed os nad ydych yn siarad yr iaith eich hun , os wyt i'n yn cael safle dwyieithog mae hyn yn ddangos parodrwydd i gysylltu â siaradwyr Cymraeg a fydd hyn yn gallu ychwanegu cymaint at eich busnes .

Gallaf gyfieithu tudalennau gwe a darparu blogiau Cymraeg ar eich rhan, a helpu cysylltio gyda  chleientiaid Cymraeg / cwsmeriaid a fydd yn gwerthfawrogi eich ymdrechion . 

 Mae fy cyfraddau yn rhesymol ac mae gen i ddigon o brofiad o ddarparu tudalennau gwe , llythyrau gwerthiant a blogiau ar gyfer cleientiaid, yn Lloegr yn bennaf , ond dw'i yn siarad Cymraeg yn rhugl ac yn gallu darparu gwasanaeth di-dor . 

 Os ydych am gyrraedd eich cleientiaid Cymraeg / cwsmeriaid y Nadolig hwn , cysylltwch â ni a gadewch i ni weld beth y gallaf i wneud i helpu.

Midwinter Reading

How many times have I promised to read A Christmas Carol each year as December approaches? And how many times have I clutched that little book in my sweaty palms ready to open its pages and start reading those familiar words.....

"Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail."

First edition 1843

And then something happens and I don't read it and it lies unread, unattended to, lying abandoned on the coffee table like last year's tinsel.

I will read it this year I swear, for I can think of no other book that will take me to the station marked "Enthusiasm and exuberance for Christmas" quicker than this.

If you're an avid reader like myself, is there a book that gets you in the Midwinter Christmas mood, if so what is it?

What do you read at Christmas?

And don't say the Bible.....please

 The ghosts of Christmas visit Scrooge, and we all feel Christmas approaching

Is there a finer image of Christmas than this?

The Outsider

Will you go your way, or their way?

I remember reading Albert Camus, The Outsider, about a man who losses his faith in God, kills a man and is executed for it. But the story isn't as straightforward as it seems, he’s offered a reprieve if he weeps for his dead mother, but because he doesn't express what is expected of him, and doesn't renounce his atheism, he’s executed.

Social convention dictates that we must behave as we’re expected to - cry when we’re expected to and laugh wherever there’s meant to be laughter. We must all play the game at some point in our lives in order to survive. But if we ever defy convention, if we ever rebel against the norm, fight to express our feelings in a different way, there is a heavy price to pay.

For those of us who aren't able to express our emotions in the way society expects us to – we pay a heavy price, regardless, of whether we deserve it or not. Man needs this so that when he looks in the mirror, he sees what he expects to see staring back at him. He cannot be confronted by something he does not recognize. He should be able to second guess you and even if he fails, you must play the game and pretend that you are that easy to read, you must be an open book for all to skim.

For those who know how to play the game they’re safe, they’ll sail smoothly through life, but for those of us who aren't or won’t – they’ll have an unpredictable and stormy path ahead.

Society is only for those that can conform to what's demanded of them, for those that can play the game and play it well. For those of us who refuse, or are unable to abide by the rules, will pay the price at some point in our lives.

Ebola

Ebola

Guinea 1018 dead

Death by statistic

Statistics of the dead

Figures of casualties

Thousands gone

Liberia 2413 dead

Western Africa 89 hours

3, 943.7 miles 

A big enough reason

To ignore

Sierra Leone 1510 dead

Numbers, figures, strangers

One death a tragedy

One million a statistic - 

Stalin said.

Western Africa 4941

A total, a figure, a number

An ocean of distance

A world away

Not on your doorstep.

How much suffering can be ignored

And when do you care?

When it's on your own doorstep?

When you're the statistic?