"Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic."
Anxiety works in strange and insidious ways. Over the years it's made me a coward, a procastinator, a hero, a persistent worrier and an emotional wreck. I'm not always sure how I'll react to any given situation, until I'm almost in it.
The difference between now and years gone by is that I now recognise it for what it is, I can try and rationalise it, talk sense to my anxious brain, make myself breathe a certain way. It doesn't always work, but I consider it a small triumph that I'm prepared to acknowledge it's existence at all.
I've even sought a cure over the years, CBT, medication, hypnosis (in the comfort of my own bedroom) and now I'm trying meditation out. I'm sceptical about the latter, as I've not always been a great fan of meditation and I'm unsure as to whether it'll work, but it's early days.
"Surrealist" on Flickr
I suffer with the odd bout of depression and I have IBS, which are all intrinsically linked to each other like a chain of worry beads. It would be easy to divorce the world and stay indoors where nothing can hurt you, but doing that is to give in, to give in to your own demons. Once they have their fingers round your throat, it's game over.
I've always been reluctant to discuss it, or to hear my own voice say it, I always fear that once people know, you're labelled for life and defined by it, by well meaning people who seek to either protect you from what they think you might fear, or protect themselves from what they fear will be your gross over reaction to any given situation, and whether they'll be able to handle it.
Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity. Really, is it???
Stanley Meltzoff
I also think sometimes, that there are others who suffer from the same anxiety issues, but are in denial, and another anxious person might trigger an attack which they are loathe to acknowledge.
How many people are there out there who suffer with anxiety issues? How many carry their secret fears and worries around like an invisible extra weight?
Depression is slowly being accepted as an illness to be treated seriously and discussed by the great and good, but how long will it be before we all sit and talk about social/general anxiety without trivialising it, the new plague of the 21st century?
Or is it better to keep it hidden?
And is anxiety a better way of coping, in some twisted way, are we who suffer with anxiety, a step ahead of everyone else, the least likely to die in a plane crash?
Probably not, because the majority of the things an anxiety sufferer fears are groundless.
Therefore we must attack it with laughter, never funny in the moment you're in it, but worthy of much laughter after the event.
"Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale."
If you suffer from anxiety issues, I'd love to hear from you. And any cures or treatments that have helped, I'd love to hear about that too.
And we can at least laugh about it amongst ourselves.....
