Dear Twitter, my lovely adoring Twitter,
Twitter, you love me right? You love me till you can’t
get enough of me right? You want to hold me till the sun goes down right? See
my latest pic, I look so cute don’t I, with my hair combed forward and my
pretty pouting lips, and my eyes Twitter, don’t my eyes look ever so flirty, so
come hither, so big, don’t you just want to get closer to me Twitter, don’t you
just love me Twitter, right? Just the right amount of misty-eyed loveliness.
I’m so witty, so funny, so creative, soooo artistic, I
draw funny pictures and I write things. Yes, I'm writer and I'm deep and I'm creative. I’m sooo deep Twitter, I’m soooo deep,
I say really meaningful things, so many things that make you want to retweet
tweety me over and over again and tell me how funny I am, tell me how
intelligent I am, tell me how you love my hair Twitter, how you love my eyes,
how you love my lips, how you want to get to know me Twitter, how you want to
get right deep inside my mind and understand me like no other Twitter, don’t
you Twitter, don’t you?
And when something REALLY political and important happens Twitter
and I can think up just the right soundbite Twitter, you’ll retweet me Twitter
and then EVERYBODY will love me Twitter, everybody will love me just the way
they should and when I’m down, someone will offer to hold me and tell me it’s
okay, because I live in Twitter, THIS IS MY HOME, I’m popular Twitter, here in cyberville where you
can be whoever you want to be. I don’t know those losers in their sweaty little
clothes, in their sweaty little houses
in their sweaty little bedsits, hoping that they’ll meet me one day and that I’ll
fall in love with them them right? It's just like I’m a celebrity Twitter, just like I’m
a celebrity, a CELEBRITY ON TWITTER!
And those celebrity B listers, they loooove me don’t
they Twitter? I post cute pictures and give some really funny cutsey captions
and those celebrity B listers love me soooo much they crave my attention, they
want ME, not just anybody, but ME Twitter, because I’m so important Twitter, I
rule, I rock this joint, I’m somebody, I’m somebody special Twitter, somebody special.
They follow me Twitter, because they realise how important and special and clever I am. My jokes are funny, my puns are funny, my cutsey pictures are funny, oh me and
that cute picture of me and my dog and my hair was just so fluffy and so cutesy
and didn’t my eyes look like you could just see the windows of my soul Twitter? I’m
so lovely and famous and special and, well I’m a WEBCELEB, I’m kind of as
famous as those other celebrities on Twitter and I have so many followers
Twitter, it just goes to show how popular I am on Twitter, thooooussssands of
people follow me on Twitter, I spend so much time on here honing my skills, I’m
a brand Twitter, I’m not a person anymore Twitter, I’m special, I’m somebody.
If I take the right picture I look like a real cutsey pie cutey with my hair
done a certain way and my eyes all big and flirty and my glasses just on the
end of my nose and my lipstick just soooo, just the way you like it Twitter.
I only follow special people, people who are special just like me, people who love me and think I'm great, people who tell me all the time how special I am, how funny I am, how everything I say is sooooo witty and funny and amazing. I ignore the ORDINARY people Twitter, because they're such plebs, they have no place in my special world of special people, who are famous for being special and funny and witty and amazing, just. like. me. And when those special people tell me how great I am, well I retweet it OVER and OVER again, so everybody else knows how SPECIAL I am!!
And I know my secret’s safe with you Twitter, because for as long as I
live on here Twitter, I’m someone, I’m really special and you love me don’t you
Twitter, don’t you? don’t you? I don't love you in return of course, because after all there's only room for one love in this joint Twitter and that's ME.
S.W.A.L.K
