William Wallace once said that every man dies and not every man really lives and this is especially true if he's been forced to wear tartan.
Wikipedia describes tartan as being a "pattern consisting of criss-crossed horizontal and vertical bands in multiple colours"- I call it something to avoid. It probably has something to do with the fact that tartan has some pretty traumatic memories for me. Seeing aunties dressed in full length head to toe tartan and lifting out purses from their handbags covered in it, with those simpering little clasps was enough to give me the shakes. Much like Marnie in Hitchcock's thriller when she sees the colour red, I scream with terror when I see any form of tartan.
Tartan trend 2013 - 2014
This is unfortunate, as tartan is the thing to wear this winter. Tartan jumpers, trousers and oversized coats adorned the catwalk. Personally I'd rather be forced to wear a bin liner. The tartan trousers remind me too much of Rupert and the scarves look as if you've been forced to tie your cat's blanket round your neck during a blizzard. The oversized tartan coats look too reminiscent of the 80s and early 90s and are all very well if you're skinny and tall, but they're not for the slightly cuddly and short, unless you want to look like Mrs Pepperpot after being let loose in Edinburgh Woollen Mills for a few hours.
Fashion cynic
So I'll be staying as far away as possible from the tartan trend. However, I may be cynical, if you've lived through the eighties and nineties then you'll have seen one or two trends come and go. That means that whatever comes around has probably been round once already. Skinnies were once drainpipes, 80s boots come and go, padded shoulders, patterned tights, salmon, orange, oversized blazers. For some of us these have come and gone and we roll our eyes as they enter our line of vision once again.
Oh for a longer skirt
That isn't to say that there aren't a few returning trends I'm happy to see again. Longer lengths skirts is one and that's not because my legs are starting to look more knarled than a 100 year old oak. My legs are perfectly respectable thank you very much. But after 35 you don't go near a mini skirt unless you're very confident and I'm not. I'm also sick of looking for dresses that finish just below thigh level. (Are you listening ASOS???) I'm happy to see the return then of knee length skirts, not so much calf length, which aren't such good news for those of us with short legs.
By 'eck Issey Miyake knows
how to make a fluted skirt
Flutes, leather and glamour
The fluted skirts are a god send, absolutely lovely, loved them first time round. Don't buy any with stiff fabric, it makes the skirt seem cheap and stiff, especially around the fluted part. If I get the opportunity to wear one again I'd wear one with slightly more fluidity in the fabric and looser around the fluted part ,so it feels more feminine. A pencil skirt never goes out of fashion and one in a bright colour matched by a dark top is always a striking look. Flats and knits always look good so that and a knee length pencil skirt is a must for the office. There's talk of sheer panels and leather, but I won't be going there, please indulge if you wish, but I won't. There's also rumours of fifties petticoats and pleats, again, great if you feel confident enough, either that or you're very young, but for me it'll be a more conservative version of the longer length skirt. My motto for the future is: less is more.
So finally, fashion always comes full circle, sometimes you embrace it, sometimes you want to run away from it. I say this to you in the name of friendship - run away from tartan, run and don't look back.
