My moods fluctuate with such force that sometimes even I don't see it coming. It's like being hit by an express train. I plummet so far down I feel like there's no way back up. I see no point in anything. I feel like parts of me have flatlined.
Thing is, I could feel differently in an hour. Two hours. Later today, tomorrow. Someone else's good news is a slap to the face, then I'm full of guilt.
I feel the signs over the coming days, sometimes they're easy to ignore. Other times not. I have a low threshold for emotional pain. The world can feel empty sometimes and devoid of love. A part about of me knows it isn't, but today it feels as if it is.
It's selfish I know, a selfish, self indulgent wallowing in misery. I despise myself and it. There's no fun in feeling like this, in feeling like I could punch my head into a wall till it bleeds.
I want to be alone, I want someone near - I want to be here, I want to be outside.
Who knows I could be really cheerful in an hour.
