Flatline

My moods fluctuate with such force that sometimes even I don't see it coming. It's like being hit by an express train. I plummet so far down I feel like there's no way back up. I see no point in anything. I feel like parts of me have flatlined.

Thing is, I could feel differently in an hour. Two hours. Later today, tomorrow. Someone else's good news is a slap to the face, then I'm full of guilt.

 I feel the signs over the coming days, sometimes they're easy to ignore. Other times not. I have a low threshold for emotional pain. The world can feel empty sometimes and devoid of love.  A part about of me knows it isn't, but today it feels as if it is.

It's selfish I know, a selfish, self indulgent wallowing in misery. I despise myself and it. There's no fun in feeling like this, in feeling like I could punch my head into a wall till it bleeds.

I want to be alone, I want someone near - I want to be here, I want to be outside.

Who knows I could be really cheerful in an hour.

from In Memoriam, Tennyson

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light:
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow;
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more;
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
with sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease;
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

My first year in freelancing

My first year in freelancing or more commonly known as –

 A journey into the unknown

 On the 31^st of December I will have been a freelancer for one whole year. Yes, one whole year. And it’s been one rollercoaster ride of highs and lows. I started with great confidence. I had the website, the obligatory 6 months’ worth of savings and my laptop in front of me. My bedroom having been converted into the little stream lined office I’d always wanted. I was all ready for the exciting life of a freelance copywriter.

 Living the dream, or better known as -

 Thinking you know it all and finding out you know nothing.

I’ve placed my first year in a series of phases, phase 1, 2 and 3.

 Phase 1 is me thinking I have it all sown up, getting up at 11am looking for a bit of work on bidding sites and then relaxing in front of the tv and then reading a bit and then going out and doing a bit of shopping. Also a little bit of soul searching and not understanding why I’m not in demand, and why the phone isn’t ringing off the hook, and why isn’t my inbox chocker block full of emails demanding my services. After all, am I not a well-educated adult with TWO degrees, TWO degrees I tell you! Am I not a short story writer and an ex public sector employee – why isn’t everyone banging on my door?

 Phase 2 is the bit where my savings have all but run out. I’m despondent, and I’m having the worst kind of reality check in living memory. I’ve hit rock bottom with such force it feels like my blood pressure is in my ankles and I’m surprised I don’t flat-line.

 It’s not that I wasn’t working, I was. It’s just that when I look back it seems I was living the life of someone who’d been doing this for years – and I’d only been doing it for a few measly months. Phase 3 is where I revaluate my strategy, start again and work like a Trojan.

 Evaluate, evaluate, evaluate, or more commonly known as –

Find out where you went wrong and rectify it

Time to think

The one thing I’ve realised is that being a copywriter and working for myself at home is not only a privilege it’s something I want to do for the rest of my life. And let’s be clear about this, working freelance IS a privilege. I know because I spent enough time working in a variety of different jobs over the years, some nice, some not so nice that made me thoroughly miserable. I know the meaning of clock watching, I’ve done it enough times to know. With a regular job comes a regular pay check and that brings tremendous security, but with it comes soul crushing conformity and repetition. And it’s not for me. And yes, there’s a certain degree of repetition in all jobs, but if you’re doing something you love then it’s half the battle.

Recession

 We’re in the middle of a terrible recession and people are finding it hard to keep a roof over their heads. Being able to do something you love is not to be taken for granted. So let this be a lesson learned, just give me one more chance and this time, I’ll make it good. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life staring at a ticking clock or standing in a job centre.

Evaluate and get back up

In my short period as a teacher the one thing that was drummed into me during my training was evaluation. Write a lesson plan, evaluate, spend the day teaching, at the end of it, evaluate, at the end of every term, evaluate. Evaluate your strengths and your weaknesses; evaluate your successes and your failures. Evaluate, evaluate and then evaluate some more. And I need to get back into that mindset again. Evaluate my successes and my failures, evaluate my performance and if I see any weaknesses then rectify it with reading or training, or a combination of the two. This time I’m aiming at the top and I’m not giving up.

A period of reflection and strategy, otherwise known as –

Making it work

So what have I learned about being a copywriter, about being a freelance copywriter no less? Well-being a copywriter takes talent, strategy, stamina and hard work, a LOT of hard work. It also includes selling yourself raw, marketing like a demon, putting yourself out there like you’re the best thing since the invention of colour TV. I don’t find that easy, I’m shy, reserved, but it’s no excuse. If I can’t market I’m dead in the water. You can be the most talented writer, copywriter, web designer in the world – but if you don’t market yourself properly, no one knows you exist.

I need to make you believe in me, whoever you are out there reading this.

 I AM GOOD. I AM VERY GOOD

Bidding wars

Also working on bidding sites is all very well and I still have to use them, but at the end of the day, clients go there because they’re cheap. They don’t go there to get the very best, because the very best costs, so if you want something done on the cheap, then you’re not going to go to them are you? You’re going to go to the bidding sites. The bidding sites are like my trip to a cheap hairdresser. If I can’t afford a decent hair cut at some fancy salon, then I’ll go to the student salon run by the college. It won’t be the best but it’ll do, it’ll do until I can afford something better. I AM WORTH MORE THAN THAT AND SO ARE YOU. I don’t want to be that someone you pay because I’ll do. I want to be the someone that you want because I’M GOOD. But words are exactly that, words. Actions take something else, energy and hard work.

The strategy

For 2014 it’s going to be like this – I’ve calculated how much I need and want to earn. It’s not a king’s ransom, but it’s enough to get by, I don’t want to be rich, I just want to be happy.  Market myself ragged. Learn. Read. Train. The training will have to follow some earning, but it will happen, I will make it happen. Watch this space, because I’m telling you now, I will succeed. No slacking off, no tv, no taking my eye off the ball.

If I could change the past 12 months, I wouldn’t, because if I had I would have learned NOTHING.

Here’s to 2014 and all it brings, it’s been a steep learning curve, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’ve done many things with my life, enough to know a good thing when I see it. And this is it. It doesn’t get better than this. If YOU want to be a freelance copywriter then take note and start living the dream, but not until you’ve put the work in.

In Passing/Brian Harris

To be born in Wales,
Not with a silver spoon in your mouth,
But, with music in your blood
And with poetry in your soul,
Is a privilege indeed. 

 

Your inheritance is a land of Legend,
Of love and contrast.
A land of beauty so bright it burns the eyes.
Of ugliness that scars the Spirit
As the Earth.

 

Wales is an old land with wounds
That weep in hills.
They wept before in the bodies of men
And in the hearts of women
And time will never heal them.

 

The stigmata of sorrow,
Of pain and poverty,
Of lonely crucifixion in the dark,
Remain our lives to feed.

 

This Land of our Fathers was built on coal.
Its rivers of mingled blood and sweat
Have forever darkened it,
Relieved only by death.

 

We are a sad people.
Our sadness being wrapped in harps and music
And praise to God,
For the lovely, yearning light
That feeds the Spirit as well as the eyes.

 

1967

Hollywood dreams

"If we bring a little joy into your humdrum lives, it makes us feel as though our hard work ain't been in vain for nothin'."Singin’ in the Rain (1952)

 

My mother collected things, many things. That may not seem unusual in itself, but she was what would now be known today as a compulsive hoarder. There are perfectly good reasons why this was, but I don’t want to talk about that today.

What I want to discuss is one of my mother’s more excellent collections, her film annuals. Growing up I spent an awful lot of time watching old movies with my mother. I was a weak and wussy child prone to infections and bugs and my mother was quite over protective, so as each sneeze or sniffle arrived I was kept home until I was deemed healthy enough to return.

Hollywood dreams

While I was in convalescence for whichever bug I was plagued with my mother would bring me downstairs and we’d watch an afternoon film together. This was the afternoon matinee, usually a black and white murder mystery, or full on Technicolor musical complete with singing, dancing and glamorous costumes.  

Hollywood was a place of refuge for my mother, a place where dreams came true and happy endings were practically guaranteed. We would watch quietly as each heroine sang her way through another crisis or danced her way to success. Her favourites were Bette Davis, Betty Grable, Rita Hayworth, and Jennifer Jones.

Dream weaver

They were beautiful; perfect figures with their corseted silhouettes and tiny waists. Their crimson cupid bow lips and perfectly sculpted hair a revelation. We watched in awe silently until the final credits rolled, sometimes with a tissue handy but always with plenty of chocolate and tea at the ready. They were special times when I felt especially close to my mother and I look back at those times with great fondness.

"That's, uh, quite a dress you almost have on...What holds it up?"An American in Paris (1951)

What it also gave me was an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of Hollywood actors and films of the 40s and 50s that made me old before my time. Most of the actresses and actors had died before my time anyway and while most of my friends were hooked on the latest singing sensation to grace the charts,  I’d be rambling on about Lana Turner’s hair and Mitzi Gaynor’s dancing skills. I must have seemed odd.

 

But they were special; they were so unreal, glamorous and perfect. I wanted to wake up and be Rita Hayworth or Lana Turner, they were a perfect anecdote for my less than perfect life, an escape route from my own misery.

"I just love finding new places to wear diamonds. “Gentlemen prefer Blondes (1953)

We know now that the well-rehearsed picture poses and perfectly written articles that featured in the film annuals of the time were often a cover for their own less than perfect lives. The film studios eager to portray a squeaky clean image for their audiences, made sure their contracted stars looked every bit the Hollywood star right down to hair and make-up. Their private lives had to be above scrutiny at all times with not so much as a hint of scandal.

 The annuals I have go back to the late forties and early fifties each one full of pictures and “stories of the stars.” In the Film Show Annual we are greeted on the inside dust jacket with a promising message “here to greet you are the stars of film-land telling, in intimate articles written especially for this edition, of their moments of heartache and happiness, of their disappointments and successes, of their hopes for the future.” How intimate or how truthful these articles were remains to be seen, but it gave those of us hungry for a taste of glamour, a glimpse of their perfect Hollywood lives.

 I have not only inherited a love of old movies and film stars I’ve also fallen in love with forties and fifties fashion – my favourite vintage period. From the cupid lips to the shimmering bangs and high waisted shorts, the forties were a time of unrivalled glamour that gave the public an escape route from the austerity of World War II.

 

"Well, I'll wear the darn clothes if you want me to - if-if you'll just, just like me."Vertigo 1958

Hollywood saved us all then, my mother, the millions of men and women who made that trip to the cinema each week and me, sat in my mother’s arms watching them dance and pirouette their way into the arms of some good looking hero ready to save them from themselves.

We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

These film annuals provide precious memories of not only my mother, but my own childhood and the glamorous escape route Hollywood gave us all. 





All I wanted was just what everybody else wants, you know, to be loved.



 

Gillian Jones is a freelance copywriter and blogger. If you want to know more about her services then drop her an email at pandora.77@hotmail.co.uk or visit her site at www.taith.net 





Twitter, Twitter, before I fall, who's the best seller of them all?

Twitter – friend or foe?

I’ve been using Twitter now for the best part of 4 years, long before I decided to become a copywriter. In that time I’ve been followed, unfollowed, made friends, unmade friends and even met some of them and formed long lasting friendships.

 I get sick of Twitter and threaten to abandon it on a monthly basis. However here I am, still here after all this time.

 It almost sounds like an excuse for a song – but sometimes I wonder, if you’re using Twitter to promote your business, how far should you go? I'm still learning and fearful of putting people off rather than turning them on to my talents.

  The keyboard is mightier than the written word

Have you read my book?.

 From the point of view of someone that follows other users who use Twitter to promote their work, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it can be a tad irritating when all you get is a constant stream of tweets with links and short phrases. Some writers are notorious for it. They never talk about themselves, they never seem to reach out to their audience, other than to try and sell you their latest book. If you send them a message they usually have so many followers they don’t have a clue who you are and your message gets ignored. This doesn’t make me want to buy their books; in fact it puts me right off. I say some, not all.

Another thing that I find particularly irritating is when someone is complimented on their work, regardless of what they do and they feel it’s their solemn duty to share  it with the rest of us, so we can see how wonderful they are and how wonderful their product is. So endless retweets then of how amazing Johnny Smith is and his first foray into science fiction.

I'm selling mirrors

Links, links and then more links

If someone follows me I usually check out their profile quickly, I’ll take a quick look at their bio and then at their tweets, if there’s nothing there other than a constant stream of links and they don’t seem to be saying anything else of interest then it’s unlikely I’ll  follow right away. I’ll leave it for a few days and then maybe I’ll ask them something, if they can’t be bothered to reply and this happens more than a few times, then I definitely won’t be following them – and that’s bad news if they want to sell me something in the future. I especially hate it when someone fills my timeline all at once with endless plugs. That’s why I’m reluctant to over promote myself or my blog - no matter how much I want people to read it, I don’t want to alienate people.

Personality – let it shine

 I did buy one book from someone on Twitter once who actually gave some hint of a personality, giving away little snippets of what she liked and disliked and what she gets up to, not an autobiography mind, in forty characters that’s impossible, but just enough to make her seem interesting, so interesting I wanted to read one of her books. It made her seem human. And she still carried on following me after I bought it. And I say this with good reason; another follower of mine bought a book from someone only to be unfollowed by them after the purchase!

 How much is too much?

 If you want to promote yourself on Twitter – should you try and interact with your followers, or just go for the hard sell? I think a combination of the two with a bit of soft sell, maybe a bit of subliminal selling. You have to be clever to do that and it’s not something I’ve quite mastered yet. It helps if you try to connect with people. I’m not suggesting you have great meaningful conversations on philosophy, far from it, who has the time for that? But if you give the impression you have time for people, that you’re warm blooded, that you give a s**t, it makes all the difference in the world to those that follow you - especially if you want them to buy something from you somewhere down the line.

Striking a balance

But when is talking about yourself too much, how do you really strike a balance between making yourself seem interesting and not over marketing yourself? How you come across as interesting and warm and not vain and self-glorious? It's a difficult balance because all social media platforms are about narcissism to a certain degree, it's all about the self. If you come across as warm, human, giving a little away about yourself and show interest in others then a balance can be achieved.

 You are not a robot.

 Be human, be real and connect with your followers, because they could be your future clients or customers in the future.  If they see you as a real person and you come across as being approachable then they might ask you something, something that may lead to further enquiries about what you do, your services and who knows, perhaps a purchase or a recommendation.

 And no that hasn’t happened to me yet on Twitter, but I’d be interested to know what others experience of self-promotion on Twitter has been, have you had success? Has it led to further clients/customers? Do Americans have it covered; are they better at self-promotion than the Brits? Should we take a lesson from them, or steer well clear?

Tell me what you think.



I love you!

 

Gillian Jones is a copywriter and freelance writer. If you want to make use of her services, contact her on pandora.77@hotmail.co.uk    and find her website here www.taith.net

Tartan terror

Tartan is not for me

William Wallace once said that every  man dies and not every man really lives and this is especially true if he's been forced to wear tartan.

Wikipedia describes tartan as being a "pattern consisting of criss-crossed horizontal and vertical bands in multiple colours"-  I call it something to avoid. It probably has something to do with the fact that tartan has some pretty traumatic memories for me. Seeing aunties dressed in full length head to toe tartan and lifting out purses from their handbags covered in it, with those simpering little clasps was enough to give me the shakes. Much like Marnie in Hitchcock's thriller when she sees the colour red, I scream with terror when I see any form of tartan.

Tartan trend 2013 - 2014

This is unfortunate, as tartan is the thing to wear this winter. Tartan jumpers, trousers and oversized coats adorned the catwalk. Personally I'd rather be forced to wear a bin liner. The tartan trousers remind me too much of Rupert and the scarves look as if you've been forced to tie your cat's blanket round your neck during a blizzard. The oversized tartan coats look too reminiscent of the 80s and early 90s and are all very well if you're skinny and tall, but they're not for the slightly cuddly and short, unless you want to look like Mrs Pepperpot after being let loose in Edinburgh Woollen Mills for a few hours. 

Fashion cynic

So I'll be staying as far away as possible from the tartan trend. However, I may be cynical, if you've lived through the eighties and nineties then you'll have seen one or two trends come and go. That means that whatever comes around has probably been round once already. Skinnies were once drainpipes, 80s boots come and go, padded shoulders, patterned tights, salmon, orange, oversized blazers. For some of us these have come and gone and we roll our eyes as they enter our line of vision once again.

Oh for a longer skirt

That isn't to say that there aren't a few returning trends I'm happy to see again. Longer lengths skirts is one and that's not because my legs are starting to look more knarled than a 100 year old oak. My legs are perfectly respectable thank you very much. But after 35 you don't go near a mini skirt unless you're very confident and I'm not. I'm also sick of looking for dresses that finish just below thigh level. (Are you listening ASOS???) I'm happy to see the return then of knee length skirts, not so much calf length, which aren't such good news for those of us with short legs.



By 'eck Issey Miyake knows
how to make a fluted skirt


Flutes, leather and glamour

The fluted skirts are a god send, absolutely lovely, loved them first time round. Don't buy any with stiff fabric, it makes the skirt seem cheap and stiff, especially around the fluted part. If I get the opportunity to wear one again I'd wear one with slightly more fluidity in the fabric and looser around the fluted part ,so it feels more feminine. A pencil skirt never goes out of fashion and one in a bright colour matched by a dark top is always a striking look. Flats and knits always look good so that and a knee length pencil skirt is a must for the office. There's talk of sheer panels and leather, but I won't be going there, please indulge if you wish, but I won't. There's also rumours of fifties petticoats and pleats, again, great if you feel confident enough, either that or you're very young, but for me it'll be a more conservative version of the longer length skirt. My motto for the future is: less is more.

 

So finally, fashion always comes full circle, sometimes you embrace it, sometimes you want to run away from it. I say this to you in the name of friendship - run away from tartan, run and don't look back.