When I started out I felt like I had it easy, from my perspective it was a win win situation from which I couldn't lose. Six months later I feel bowed and almost broken, but stubborn and unwilling to give up. Somewhere somehow, I've realised there's no way back for me now, too much freedom perhaps, but going back to working for an employer is too awful to contemplate, although I realise if things really do go bottoms up, it's a reality I'll have to accept.
At the moment things are fairly rocky and I'm wobbling slightly. This is mostly my own fault for making mistakes that could have been avoided. You know, the ones that every seasoned copywriter advises you against and I'm too cowardly and ashamed to confess on here. But it's a learning curve, you learn from your mistakes and I guess the one thing that splits the wheat from the chaff is whether or not you have the staying power to keep on trying. To get up and to keep fighting again and again, refusing to give up, and I've got plenty of staying power, believe me. I'm like a weeble "weebles wobble but they don't fall down" and neither do I.
If I can look back on this six months from now and say I did it, I made it, then I'll feel justifiably pleased with myself. My moods have been up and down of late, one minute I'm unnaturally happy, the next my heart's in my boots, I'm constantly anxious and my nerves are frayed. But after 10 years in the NHS that's nothing new and if this all works out, then it'll have been worth it. I learn fast and I'm a fighter.
So watch this space, and in December, if I'm still here and I'm alive and still doing the do, then do buy me a drink darling, mine's a large glass of red.
