When I left the National Health Service nearly 2 years ago now, I breathed a sigh of relief, for months I'd been feeling tired, stressed, anxious and completely burnt out, it was 8 months since my mother's death and I'd come to the decision to leave after 2 failed attempts applying for VERS, the voluntary early release scheme. This was my last attempt and if I'd failed, I would have had to search for work and in the economic climate at the time (which hasn't improved since), I would have found it difficult to find another job. My mother's death had left me bereft, it was sudden and I'd not seen her before she died for a few weeks due to the snow in the winter of 2010. We'd cleared her house slowly, my mother was a compulsive hoarder, and clearing it was a painful and difficult process for all of us. My sister and her family bore the brunt of it as I lived 20 miles away and was still working full time, we uncovered painful memories, but we eventually got the house cleared.
With this going on and the stress of my job, I was at breaking point and although both friends and work colleagues tentatively asked if I was doing the right thing, I continued with the process until eventually I was accepted. Doing anything in the NHS is never quick or easy, everything is a long and painful process that has to go through several different levels of bureaucracy that would test the patience of a saint. In comparison to regular redundancy packages though it was a fairly attractive offer, a year's salary and non taxable if under £30,000.
So with a reasonable amount of money under my belt I left to start my M.A. in Creative Practice, the devil or be damned I was going to succeed at some sort of writing career and I thought I'd give myself a fighting chance. It was nearly 20 years since my first degree and a million miles away from early modern history (my first degree), but I felt comfortable with the choice. It was a little different to a more conventional creative writing degree, embracing different elements of film, media, and an in depth look at research led creative and creative led practice.
When I left the NHS, it was in the middle of a large scale organisational change it hadn't seen for many years, it would eventually lead to the creation of one of the largest Health Boards in Wales, doing away with the local health boards and creating the beast that became Betsi Cadwaladr. And what a beast it was to become - while staff waited to have their jobs reassessed and reinvented they sat at their desks waiting for news, some as long as two years, being paid for a job that technically no longer existed. Sickness rates rose as staff become demoralised by a process that seemed to have little focus or structure and a management that kept its distance, showing little remorse for the stress it was causing people lower down the line. Whole new departments were created and others disbanded, staff promoted, while others were given generous packages to leave.
The reason for the changes was supposedly to save money (no surprises there then), but there was little evidence that this was the case, any staff member losing their current position had 10 years pay protection, so high level executive staff removed from their former positions would still get the same salary for the next 10 years, regardless of what they were doing, so not much saving going on there. Theoretically, you could have removed executive staff from their jobs to clean the floors and they'd still be on the same salary. Staff from primary care were quickly slotted into secondary care management posts following interviews, regardless of experience, with little regard for the experience that more seasoned secondary care managers brought to their roles. Ironically, some went off sick after taking over, clearly overwhelmed by the pressures of secondary care management. Many posts including senior and executive positions were moved to Wrexham leaving what was meant to be the headquarters in Bangor with hardly anyone at an executive level in charge. Interviews were held, but many knew these were merely a formality. We could guess with almost eerie accuracy who would be getting the most juicy posts on offer.
My own post had changed radically after my former colleague left a couple of years before. I took over his duties as well as my own and although I had an assistant for about 12 months I could barely cope. I relied heavily on the guidance of my former colleagues in the East (Wrexham & Glan Clwyd) when more complexes cases came in, and complex they were, usually involving data protection and confidentiality issues that couldn't be solved in an instant. Freedom of Information requests were coming in thick and fast from both MPs and journalists searching for answers as to what exactly was going on. I felt isolated and I wasn't sleeping at night and I was often close to tears. It was hard and it took its toll, we knew that things would change and probably not for the better. Eventually, the managers I'd worked with in the East left and so did I. The department was taken over by former primary care staff and I wish them luck. I don't envy the pressure or the stress of their job, but there are some good people there, people who made the job so much more bearable, I know that information governance has been left in safe hands.
For me life moves forward. I now work as a freelance writer and copywriter and I won't lie, it's been hard and I'm struggling, but if someone asked me to go back, I don't think I would. I certainly don't envy them what with the current situation and no immediate solution to hand. I can't say I'm a great fan of Edwina Hart, but the organisation itself has to take some of the blame, something has gone desperately wrong somewhere.
I also feel a little saddened by Plaid Cymru's role in this, because at no time did I see them make a stand against the changes, many of which have seen local community hospitals closed in order to save money leaving many elderly patients with Welsh as a first language having to travel miles for treatment, add to that the dangerously long waiting lists including those at A&E at Ysbyty Glan Clwyd and the future does not look rosy. I keep asking myself, why didn't they oppose the changes?
So two years on I don't regret leaving the NHS and I look to the future now, with hopefully better things ahead. Working for myself has certainly given me time to think hard about a lot of things and I don't regret leaving it all behind.
